by EMILY ORTON

We Were So Naive

We were so naïve. It was the middle of winter 2001-2002. Erik was between Broadway jobs. Winter is a tough time to find theatrical employment but we weren’t worried.

This guy, Conan, promised 5x to 10x returns in only a few months. We didn’t have any cash so we got a five thousand dollar cash advance on our credit card. The huge returns should arrive before the exorbitant interest rates kicked in.

Conan would bulk buy all the computers leftover from the Salt Lake Olympics then sell them in bundles or individually at a much higher price. Investors like us provided the capital for the initial purchase and we’d all get a cut of the profits.

Photo by Filip Filkovic Philatz on Unsplash

Can You Tell Where This is Going?

You can probably tell where this is going. The Coronavirus got me thinking about times when I’ve been stuck or a victim. What did I do then? What did I learn? Can those lessons help now? I hope so.

While we calmly waited for a huge return to hit our bank account, we got a lot done. This was shortly after the 9/11 attacks and everyone in New York City buzzed with a renewed sense of urgency to value relationships and pursue dreams.

Erik re-wrote, cast and workshopped one of his musicals, which was subsequently made into a TV event and later won an Emmy. We also had our third baby. Sarah Jane was born two days after Erik’s musical workshop. We basked in the bliss of our new creations.

Alison and Erik NYC April 2020 responsible citizens on their way to the bank enjoying the irony that they look more like they’re going to rob the bank than make a deposit.

We dreamed about a brighter future. We checked our bank account. No new money. I opened a number 10 can of red hard wheat and ground it up for bread. Erik called for updates on the investment. Conan’s rich uncle died. Conan was hospitalized in a bar fight. Conan’s aunt had a heart attack. There was always some dramatic empathy-inducing event that put the sale of these computers on hold.

People older, richer, and more sophisticated than us made us promises they weren’t keeping. We couldn’t get a straight answer. Interest on our cash-advance would be due soon.

I’ve never had claustrophobia in small spaces. I get emotionally claustrophobic when my choices are limited—when my outcomes rely on somebody else taking action. It’s nice to be able to blame somebody for your problems, but it doesn’t help you solve them.

Erik and I decided to let the money go. We stopped asking about it. We stopped expecting it. Our reality was we had three kids, no job, and a high-interest rate cash advance to pay off. What were we going to do?

It’s nice to be able to blame somebody for your problems, but it doesn’t help you solve them.
-Emily Orton

Reframing the Problem

The moment we reframed the problem and made it our responsibility, we felt a huge sense of relief. The knots in Erik’s stomach untied. The pressure in my head subsided. Our minds expanded. The weather warmed. Theatre jobs opened up. Erik found work. We established a stringent budget that would allow us to feed our family of five and pay our debt. Purposeful sacrifice turned momentary relief into ongoing peace. We felt happy—even abundant.

That was the end of our investment story because we opted out of the drama. But the story continued for Conan. Conan was arrested by the FBI and sentenced to Federal Prison for fraud. Several people lost their homes and life savings.

What I Learned

We were literally the victims of fraud. Here’s what I learned when I was a victim: I don’t like being a victim. It’s discouraging, disempowering, and depressing. I also learned that I don’t have to stay a victim. Yes, somebody lied to us and stole our money. I can’t change that situation but I can take up my power and decide how I want to move forward. I learned that the way back starts with gratitude.

I realize that may sound overused but gratitude calms the mind and heart. It allows the brain to think clearly. I experience gratitude as a powerful problem-solving tool. It’s not about complacency and just being content with your circumstances. When I’m stuck, gratitude opens a way forward.

My ‘Grateful I Got Scammed’ List

Two peaceful productive months waiting for mythical returns
Erik rewrote and workshopped his musical
Blissfully welcomed Sarah Jane into our family
Learned to trust but verify
Avoided several con artists since
Learned it’s most empowering to take responsibility even when it’s not my fault

Stuff That’s Not Your Fault

The world-wide coronavirus pandemic
How little we actually know about this virus
There aren’t enough masks, gloves, or test kits
Your local, state, and federal leaders send conflicting confusing messages
Grocery store shelves are bare
You’re safe/stuck at home
Sports and extra-curricular activities are canceled
You can’t celebrate milestones with loved ones
You’re mostly inside as spring emerges
you’re working from home or unemployed
You don’t know when or how this will end
You don’t know what’s next
Not enough hugs

It’s not your fault. None of it. But here we are. This is my life and your life. If there is one thing I’ve learned from being scammed it’s that the path to peace is not in finding out what others are going to do. The path to peace is in deciding what you are going to do.

The path to peace is not in finding out what others are going to do. The path to peace is in deciding what you are going to do.
-Emily Orton

What are you going to do?

Stuff I’m Doing (in case it helps you generate ideas)

Physical and mental health self-care — join me in this free 90-day challenge
Sharing tools and strategies Erik and I have learned living in small spaces, working from home, homeschooling, and embracing uncertainty on our fledgling Youtube channel and social media
Redesigning my life with Designing Your Life My audio copy is from the library—less wait
Pivoting to speak online while in-person events are too risky
Reconnecting with all of my kids in person
Singing a heck-ton of karaoke
Occasionally sleeping in and wearing my sweatpants all-day.

How Can We Help You?

We really care about you and your struggles. Please email us at hello@fezywig.com if there is a concern you’d like us to address. We don’t have all the answers but we’ve been in some tough spots and figured a way out. We’re happy to share what we can.